Every relationship has a first minute, a rough patch and a repair, and English has an idiom for each. Notice how many of them describe a physical action — hitting, rubbing, burying — for something that never happens with hands at all.
1. Dinner with Paul
Emre: How was dinner with Paul?
Sonia: Good. He and my brother hit it off.
Emre: Those two?
Sonia: Three hours about fishing.
Emre: I didn't know Paul fished.
Sonia: Neither did Paul, until Tuesday.
2. The new manager's name
Rico: How's it going with Claire?
Tilda: Better. We got off on the wrong foot.
Rico: What happened?
Tilda: I called her by the last manager's name. Twice, in one meeting.
Rico: And now?
Tilda: Now she calls me by his name back.
3. Where to go in August
Pat: Have you two decided?
Duc: On the dates, yes. On the country, no.
Pat: You never see eye to eye on holidays.
Duc: We've been married nine years and we've agreed once.
Pat: Which year?
Duc: The year we stayed home.
4. Something about him
Fiona: I can't work out why I don't like him.
Gabe: He hasn't done anything?
Fiona: Nothing. He just rubs me the wrong way.
Gabe: It's the way he says your name.
Fiona: That's it. That's exactly it.
Gabe: I noticed on day one.
5. Twelve strangers in a room
Hedy: Twelve strangers in a room.
Ilias: How do you start?
Hedy: I ask everyone the worst job they've had. It breaks the ice.
Ilias: Does it work?
Hedy: Every time. Everyone has one.
6. A week of being polite
Jonas: You two have been polite for a week.
Kira: Polite is fine.
Jonas: Polite is worse than shouting. Talk to her.
Kira: And say what?
Jonas: Say the thing you're not saying. Clear the air.
Kira: I'll do it at lunch.
7. Two days with no answer
Lidia: She still hasn't answered.
Musa: Her mother's visiting. She said so last week.
Lidia: I know.
Musa: Then give her the benefit of the doubt.
Lidia: You're right. I'll wait until Friday.
Musa: Wait, and then ask kindly.
8. Four years over a van
Olive: Is Frank coming to the wedding?
Piet: He is. They buried the hatchet in March.
Olive: After four years?
Piet: Four years over a van.
Olive: What changed?
Piet: Their mother turned eighty.
Words to know
| hit it off | to like each other from the first minute Good. He and my brother hit it off. |
| get off on the wrong foot | to start a relationship badly Better. We got off on the wrong foot. |
| see eye to eye | to agree with someone about something You never see eye to eye on holidays. |
| rub someone the wrong way | to annoy someone without doing anything obviously wrong Nothing. He just rubs me the wrong way. |
| break the ice | to make strangers comfortable enough to start talking I ask everyone the worst job they've had. It breaks the ice. |
| clear the air | to say the difficult thing openly so the bad feeling ends Say the thing you're not saying. Clear the air. |
| give someone the benefit of the doubt | to assume the good reason instead of the bad one Then give her the benefit of the doubt. |
| bury the hatchet | to agree to end a long argument He is. They buried the hatchet in March. |
Quick practice
Complete each sentence with an idiom from the conversations above. Change the form if you need to.
1. Paul and Sonia's brother talked about fishing for three hours. They ________.
(liked each other immediately)
2. Tilda called the new manager by the old manager's name twice, so they ________.
(started the relationship badly)
3. Duc and his wife agree on dates but never on countries. They don't ________ about holidays.
(agree)
4. He has done nothing wrong, but Fiona still doesn't like him. He ________.
(annoys her for no clear reason)
5. Hedy asks twelve strangers about the worst job they have had, because it ________.
(makes people comfortable enough to talk)
6. Frank and his brother stopped speaking for four years over a van, and then ________ in March.
(ended the argument)
Show the answers
1. hit it off 2. got off on the wrong foot 3. see eye to eye 4. rubs her the wrong way 5. breaks the ice 6. buried the hatchet
Common mistakes
Not: We met at the conference and hit off straight away.
Say: We met at the conference and hit it off straight away.
The little it cannot be dropped. It has no meaning of its own here, but without it the phrase is not the idiom — and hit off on its own means nothing at all.
Not: My parents rarely see eyes to eyes.
Say: My parents rarely see eye to eye.
Both words stay singular, even though two people are involved. The picture is one of your eyes level with one of theirs — two people, one line of sight.
Not: He rubs me in the wrong way.
Say: He rubs me the wrong way.
No in. Compare stroking an animal the wrong way, against the fur: the phrase is the wrong way, with nothing in front of it.
Your turn
Say each answer aloud before writing it. Four of these idioms are about other people, so be careful how strong you make them sound.
- Think of somebody you hit it off with straight away. What did you talk about in the first ten minutes?
- Describe a time you got off on the wrong foot with someone. How did it improve?
- What question would you ask to break the ice in a room of strangers? Write the exact question.
- Somebody has not replied to your message for two days. Write two sentences giving them the benefit of the doubt.
- Finish this sentence about an argument that ended: They finally buried the hatchet when ...
Quick review
Read these in order and you get the whole shape of a relationship. Break the ice is minute one, before anybody knows anybody. Then it goes one of two ways: hit it off, or get off on the wrong foot. See eye to eye is agreement over time, and rub someone the wrong way is the quiet friction that has no reason you can name. The last three are repairs, and they are not the same size: give someone the benefit of the doubt stops a problem before it starts, clear the air fixes a bad week, and bury the hatchet ends something that has lasted years.